Warts, wind and wayside wonders

I was feeling rather directionless about what I would post this week until my BFFEE (Best Friend Forever and Ever and Ever) called and we had a discussion about something unimportant and then talked about whirligigs. Actually, we talked about a veritable whirligig plantation, which I’ll get to in a minute. After we hung up I was surfing around for information about whirligigs and other tacky lawn ornaments. I landed on a very funny blog by someone named Inky, aka The Grimace.

I didn’t have time to explore the entire blog, but I thought I’d share a portion of something Inky posted that I found to be extremely funny. What follows is from Inky’s Terms and Definitions:

 Lawn wart  A lawn wart is the smallest distinguishable part of a schlock garden. There seems to be no end to the list of unimaginative yet characteristic lawn warts that populate the American schlock garden. Some of the best known are: garden gnomes, lawn orbs, concrete geese (naked and clothed variety), pink flamingos, lawn jockeys, and the unforgettable “squirrel with nut.” Just like a single drop of milk can

Lawn jockey

The lawn jockey is one of the oldest forms of lawn wart. Due to changes in the slow-moving tide of American politics, lawn jockeys are becoming increasingly rare in United States yards (except in the South).

cloud an entire glass of water, a single lawn wart can transform an otherwise respectable house into a thumb.

Inky appears to live in in Oregon or somewhere in the Northwest, but don’t hold me to that. I don’t know if Inky’s assertion about the South in the photo caption is true or not, but it’s funny.  Most of what I read in Inky’s blog is funny.

Moving right along…

I’m a huge fan of road trips and stopping at kitschy places along the way. South of the Border on I-95 used to be the king of kitsch but it’s become so commercialized I don’t stop there anymore. Cheesy overload is unacceptable.

However, Weeki Wachee Springs, The Enchanted Forest, Rock City, and The Pagoda are perfect examples of fun places to visit. I took this photo of a friend posing with custom- made waving RoboGirls in Georgia last year.

For any like-minded novelty aficionados, there’s a whole park in the works. The Vollis Simpson Whirligig Park will be opening in Wilson, N.C. in November. My BFFEE met Mr. Simpson a few years ago while driving north from South Carolina. She stopped at his home and got a personal tour of his workshop, his collection of whirligigs, and even bought two. These aren’t your run-of-the-mill whirligigs, however. They’re bona fide art and there’s a huge push from the community to restore and preserve the nonagenarian’s creations. I can’t wait to see ‘em!

Do you exhibit lawn warts in your yard or garden? If so, I’d love to hear about them. Do you know of a great roadside attraction that I shouldn’t miss if I’m in the area? I want to know about that, too. You can post in the comments section below or contact me privately. Speaking of which, I’m trying to contact Inky. I’ll let you know if I’m successful.

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2 thoughts on “Warts, wind and wayside wonders

  1. If you visit the Vollis Simpson Whirligig Park, please stop by to see me! Wilson is only about an hour from Ralgeigh!

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